I divorced my ex-husband over 20 years ago, for me it was the only option, there were just to many things that caused this to happen. It wasn’t on a whim, it was there was no fixing our marriage. We had two beautiful daughter’s that we both loved, and were our pride and joy. At the time of our divorce our daughters were 2 and 8 months old. So of course they didn’t understand what was going on at the time, and to be honest, they know bits and pieces today but still not the full reason of the divorce because it really had nothing to do with them so there is no reason to involve them.
I of course being the single mom, had to do what I need to for them to make sure they had everything they needed and of course a few of the wants thrown in for good measure. I had the girls more then their father so of course I disciplined them more, okay, I did ALL the discipline because he rarely did and let the kids do whatever they wanted. Then when they would come home and tell me then I would correct them because I didn’t want them thinking that it was okay to do certain things. I have to say that MANY times I would bite my tongue (almost off) till they would go to bed and then call him and we would discuss how they were NOT to be allowed to do those things, not that it did any good!
Dad always hung the moon and well I was the “Mean Mom!”, I was there for every event in their lives from their Christmas shows at school to being their Girl Scout troop leaders, being the one who went to school to make sure they were on track, that they did everything that was needed. If they were not on track I was also the one that got them back on track. Because well from dad they received the “I’m very disappointed” and that was the end of it. My daughter’s knew that their teachers had me on speed dial and I would be there in a matter of minutes so a threat from the teacher about calling usually did the trick. However, if my sweet little girls didn’t straighten up I received a phone call and I was at school or the next day I surprised my sweet daughter by showing up with her little brother in tow and sat in her classroom. Which the teachers LOVED because I would not only straighten out my sweet little angel but all the little angels in the class while I was there. Yes, that continued their whole school career! Nothing like having Mom come to sit in your classroom when your a freshman! Yes, yes, I did do that, my little social butterfly, couldn’t stop disrupting the class so I had to go help her. (Okay, she came by it honestly because her mother was a social butterfly as well. lol)
Dad missed the teachers meetings, the report cards, the Father Daughter dances, almost every event in their lives he was not in attendance. He would miss scheduled visitations, thought his child support wasn’t needed, that he didn’t have to purchase even diapers when he wasn’t paying child support. However, somehow he still always hung the moon. He didn’t have to see those sweet little faces crying when he didn’t show up, he didn’t have to see them looking for him at each event hoping that he would show. He never dealt with any of the disappointment that he left in his wake. They would always forget by the time he picked them up again and Daddy was back to “The Best Daddy In The World”. I swear I always would get so mad at how easy it was for them to forgive him and make the world revolve around him after all the hurt he caused them. While I cleaned up his mess.
Now, a few months ago it was my birthday, just another day other then I turned 29 again this year. (Yes, that’s my story and I’m sticking to it!”) My younger daughter woke up and told me “Happy Birthday” as well as my son’s when they heard her. My older daughter worked that day so she told me at 11pm when she got off of work, again very sweet. They know I do not make a big deal about my birthday. It’s just another day, I will be doing the same things as I normally would be doing. So it was nice that they all said “Happy Birthday”. Now, fast forward to last week, which was my ex-husbands birthday. My younger daughter “Mom, I need to get Dad a good pair of hunting gloves, they look like they are around $60.” can you run me to the stores to find a pair? Well, of course I can, and I do. Christmas last year it was Dad has to have this new Xbox game, but didn’t even get her brothers a dollar tree toy or anything because she was “Broke”. Which is perfectly fine she doesn’t have to get them or me anything but when your showing everyone what you bought your father, when your brothers are sitting their after just watching you open all your gifts from them, they get a little hurt because they are young. They are watching you brag at how much the game cost and how you know he is going to be so excited. The boys didn’t say anything of course because they were raised not to but it’s what I heard from them in the car. I then explained that it’s better to give then to receive. They were very happy that their sisters liked the gifts that they picked out for them and that’s all that mattered.
I guess it use to bother me as well that Dad would get gifts from them, and I wouldn’t even get a card. They always have told me “Happy Birthday”. But then I thought about it, and while doing so, I looked at each of my daughter’s and I thought, without me, they wouldn’t be the people they are today, they wouldn’t be strong women, be the “Mean Mom’s”, graduated, determined to reach their goals, and all the other wonderful qualities that they have today. I see these qualities on a daily basis in each of them. They are there because of me, and everything that I instilled in them. So changing them from Daddy’s girls is no longer a change I care if they make. They can be Daddy’s girls and I can bask in the knowledge that I have raised beautiful, well rounded daughter’s who are an asset to the world. Oh, and that when they were both pregnant I put the “Mother’s curse” on them and they each have daughter’s that are just like them. lol So when they are older they will be an asset to this world because of how I raised their mother’s.